hello there fellow bloggers.
its seems like forever that i have wrote anything on here im sure some have wondered what happened...well i went though a pretty tough time for a while started cutting again and such. i had to get my life in order again and get rid of the kaos. im doing some what better now.. im in my first year of college second semester which ends in april if all goes well ill be going to my 2nd year in september im in criminal and justice studies for corrections or something like that...ive decided i want to help people . to know there not alone. and when they feel like they have nobody ill be there to show them there wrong..i hope to accomplish this as if i can fix someone elses life even though i cannot fix my own this will be the accomplishment...ive cam to the realiseation that its never going to get better and that i will always feel how i feel.. as much as i try to feel something for anyone really. it doesnt happen...there was one time in these past months i did find someone who seemed to complete me understand everything and accept me for who i was...as he was the same way..he lives in my town. i thought we were perfect for eachother..i actually thought i did feel something for him..maybe i do..but hes with another girl...we barely speak anymore ..but i know in my own fucked up way ill always love him in my own weird way.. even though i dont even know wut love feels like but im sure this is it..when i see him my heart feels like its being stabbed by a thousand knives. i cant even speak to him as no words even come to mind...maybe its hes the only one i could really talk to..and i miss that.. or the fact that i really thought he was finnaly the one i could see being with for the rest of my life...either way it was only a fantasy i let myself believe...the hardest part now will be forgetting...anyways theres alot of rambaling in this it seems about different things so ill stop now... but im back. i hope you all have been well.
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